The Best & Worst of Humanity Played Out in Facebook Groups

Recently, I was invited to join a Facebook interest group. My sister, cousin and I had a mutual interest in reducing our environmental impact on the planet and my dear cousin, Ruth, had found the “Journey to Zero Waste” Group on Facebook and added us all to it. This group is now a constant source of entertainment for me. I learn from it and I get to enjoy the wild stupidity of others. It’s exceptionally hard to maintain an interested attitude when only about 20% of the content interests you, and the other 80% makes you scream with rage and text everyone you know about “Mindy on Facebook who think personal cloth is a good idea” (more on THAT later). 

Before I delve too far into the topic, there are some things you should know. I like to think of myself as a practical, pragmatic and patient person. On Facebook though I am self-righteous, impatient and argumentative. There is something about anonymous people telling the world things that are misinformed or ill advised that boils my blood. If one more person tells me on Facebook that you can enter your PIN backwards when under duress at an ATM I may have to write a letter or something. Fake News is the buzz word of the moment, fake advice, fake tips, fake posts, fake Facebook. I hate it, but I cannot stop myself from using it, and engaging with morons on it. This probably makes me a moron also, I am at-least a self-aware moron. 

What follows are two anecdotes about my travels through the treacherous land that is Facebook interest groups. I find them hilarious and frustrating. There is also some perverse satisfaction I get out of these interactions.... probably a superiority complex. 

When I joined my first interest group on Facebook, the aforementioned Journey to Zero Waste group, I was filled with hope for things I might learn. The things I learned were significantly more traumatising than I ever could have imagined. A zero waste lifestyle is fairly self-explanatory, you attempt to create little waste as possible. The journey usually starts with buying a reusable water bottle, saying no to straws, eschewing takeaway and fast food etc. Things quickly escalate from there and you find yourself darning socks and underwear, building a compost heap and owning more glass jars than anyone could ever need. Some members of this lifestyle take it even further, and unashamedly discuss it on the internet. I’m taking about the personal cloth mentioned earlier. Imagine toilet paper, but made out of cloth squares, that you wash and use again and again and again. I have no problem with this fundamentally- you do you. However, I do not need read about the nitty gritty details (such as effectiveness with varying types of defecation, how the hairy-ness of your anus changes usage etc.) while I am eating my Wheaties in the morning. Especially when there is no content warning before the post. I have more than a few times been called a prude for asking that such topics have a content warning - it baffles me to think what kind of people are enjoying reading about hairy butt-holes without forewarning! Isn’t poo one of the universally accepted “gross” topics? There is only one person on the planet I would discuss my bowel movements with outside my doctor, and that’s because tiny apartment + single bathroom + good acoustics = closer relationship than you ever could have imagined. But alas, apparently the internet allows you to discuss what you want when you want it, and as graphically as you like. Meanwhile vegans storm rampant across the group reporting anyone who even mentions the word meat as being offensive. I can’t help it that I find poo disgusting, maybe I am a prude, but the internet allows you to share your opinion on the topic so I am sure as shit going to share mine and tell you to stop sharing that crap. 

Which leads nicely into my next story, the moral of which is humanity can still surprise you. After joining one Facebook interest group, I discovered there were all kinds of oddly specific groups. Feminists who live in Sydney and believe Inter-sectional Feminism is the way to go. Growing fruit in your sunless apartment. Tasty recipe videos. Spoof Tasty videos. Tasty videos curated to only show those that are nutella-centric. The group this particular anecdote comes from is a Then & Now themed one specially about Australia. Someone had shared a video from the 1960’s made by the ABC about a finishing school of sorts for Executive Wives. Women with aspirational husbands could go and learn to be society ladies, who cross their ankles and can make perfect devilled eggs. As you can imagine the comments section was a veritable mine field. I had had a bad day and so for some reason decided to pick a fight with a lady who thought “women these days could learn to show some grace, like Audrey Hepburn”. Now, I know Audrey is most famous for looking pretty in films and being reproduced into seventy five million posters at IKEA, but she was also an incredible person who achieved some phenomenal things. So this comment didn’t sit right with me and so I replied to tell her as such. This set in motion the most bizarre chain of comments I have witnessed on the internet. 

I was apologised to. By a person on the internet. A person with a DIFFERENT OPINION to me. An anti-feminist Trump supporter apologised to an outspoken feminist on the internet. Grab your towel and your peanuts, the world is clearly ending. 

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Posted in retrospect because holidays and technology don’t mix in my eyes.